After a fun day of work.

I must sit down and finish up work, I only have a few more assignments left and I'll be done.

But GODDAMN, I don't wanna. But if I want to get my 31-day break I must!

Honestly, I don't truly want a break, I like working, and I like working a lot. I'm just getting tired and I guess my body does need a break. I have never felt this stressed out and tried before in my life. I just feel down, that time of the year again haha!

But yeah, this break will be good for me once I get my work done. I can't really bring myself to draw I've been so tried lol.

I promise I'll soon post art, I mainly just want to post for myself haha.

Anyways, have a great day everyone! I love you all! <3

I wanna blog about something, idk what, I'm just hyper af tbf

MY NEW HYPER FIXATION IS THIS DAMN BOOK AND MOVIE AAAAAAAAAAA

I legit love the movie so much it’s such a good movie, I’m gonna see if I can get a hard copy for Christmas lol.

I wanna draw fanart and do like, crossovers with my ocs.

I feel like a child I haven’t had a hyper fixation in years aaahhhaaa a

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE WERE SAYING HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ME BUT YEAH TODAY IS THANKSGIVING IN THE US????

HAPPY THANKSGIVING YA'LL BUT I'M CANADIAN LOL

I need to rant and rave about today's events, both the good and the bad.

Let's talk about the bad first so the good seems better than what it is.

Y'all ever get so anxious to the point where you throw up? and it's just endless? That's what happened to me first thing in the morning, so much shit was happening at once I legit couldn't handle it and I ended up racing to the bathroom. I'm not going to get into why I ended up throwing up because it's personal and it's more than just one thing. But yeah that was a great start to the day.

Another thing, I really dislike how many people struggle to make boundaries, if I'm making you uncomfortable man up and just tell me, I know I rant a lot and even sometimes vent when I don't mean to. It's so easy to just say "Hey, TV, you're making me uncomfortable" but no one does that anymore? They listen then get upset and leave. I understand its my fault but if someone is making you uncomfortable you need to speak it. It annoys me how much I have this issue with people, they'll ask and poke about my life, and my childhood, and more than act upset when I become more open with them when I was being led to believe it was ok to talk about it. It bothers me how so many people have done or said the same thing to me, just leaving me a block of text about how I've made them uncomfortable for months when they never said anything or even allowed me to vent. I legit don't understand why it's so hard to set boundaries like a normal human being. I'm also being pulled back into foolish 8-year-old drama as if it still matters, it bothers me how the same people keep coming back to try and pull me back into drama and I'm so trusting of them thinking that they changed and idk why I keep doing this to myself.

Another thing, I HATE BEING A WOMEN. I hate living in this flesh cage and how I can't express myself truly. I'm not even trans, hell I love my body but I feel like I'd live a lot better if I were a man. Doing anything as my gender is so annoying. I'm either doing it wrong because I'm a woman or I'm making it weird because I'm a woman. If I had the chance, I would 100% become a man just to avoid all this crap. Hoping to God in my next life I'm a huge hairy middle-aged man lol.

Anyways, on to the good because it's a pretty banger.

I got some free food today and ate like a damn PIG. I didn't give any fucks who was watching me, free food is free food. It was cookies and hot cocoa, pretty healthy if I do say so myself! I had like 5 cups and maybe 10 cookies? I lost track. Some of my peers made fun of me but that's ok because we all had a good laugh about it and how hyper it was making me. It was nice to feel hyper and actually have a laugh with people.

I had one of the most important meetings of my life today, I was so scared about everything, how messy I thought I looked, how shaky I was, everything! Then I sat down. It turned out I did everything perfectly, my notes, my work, my explanations, everything I did right. When I had to make a statement about my viewpoints my teacher loved what I had to say. I scored a perfect 10/10 and I didn't even think I was doing all that good. I'm really proud of myself for this and how, even when I'm a mess, I'm able to pull myself together and mask everything to be so professional and bubbly.

One last good thing about today that I'm really proud about, I'm learning French so I can talk with my brother more. I knew basic stuff from when I was a child and I'm pretty shocked that I can still read basic French. I'm really happy that I'm able to learn French again and be able to become closer to my brother. He's the only family I have left so having better communication is really gonna help our bond.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna start blogging about my days more, I have little to no one to talk to about my day or my life and blogging makes me...happy? I guess? Just the idea that someone could be reading this and listening to me puts me at ease, I guess it a way it makes me feel less alone.

Anyways, anyways, love y'all, hoping to get a new drawing out soon or something like that. I might repost some art I've made for work haha. Have a great day, and please remember, you are loved.

I want to draw more.

But work and school are kicking my ass, I’m done almost everything with only 2 assignments left but I’m so burned out I can’t bring myself to do anything.

once Christmas break comes around I’ll have 31 days all to myself, I think I’ll work on a few comics/writing projects and start getting back to posting art about my story and not the silly meme drawings I’ve been making.

Sorry to anyone waiting to see more art from me, I’m really trying my best but if I hate any harder I’ll hurt myself.

If anyone wants to chat with me about my work I’m more the open to chatting or just putting more lore in the description if people like that idea.

anyways, it’s midnight here, I must sleep! Tomorrow is a very big and busy day for me and I wanna make sure I have enough energy!

Thank you to everyone who supports my art and writing, I love all of you so much like you can’t believe. I feel like a person thanks to you.

Goodnight everyone, I’ll post a blog tomorrow! Maybe I’ll start doing daily blogs about my day and how it helps me create art haha.

I love cats.

They make me feel so happy and loved.

When I was a child, I had six cats. I loved each of them. When I was sad, they'd cuddle up to me and give me lots of kisses. They always made sure I was okay.

In my teenage years, I had this HUGE fat cat. His name was Milo. He was nothing but a fat, old ball of fluff and I loved him so much. He was my whole world. Late at night he'd wake me up for cuddles and food (mainly food) and he'd stay in my room for the rest of the day.

It's been almost seven years since I had a cat, and I really, really want to get a new one. I have the income and the space to have one.

I think if I get a cat I'll feel more loved and less lonely, I think it'll feel that little hole in my heart and make me the happiest person in the world.

I love cats so much I wish I could have all of them haha

God I love getting new books

I just spent around 200$ on some books, I've been buying a lot of books to the point I can't even read them all.

I so happy to have my little liberty in my home, I get to read and read and that makes me so happy <33

I really wanted to break out of my comfort zone today and try to socialize more with people.

My work was doing this "Human book" meet and greet where you could meet and chat with people.

I really wanted to go, and I really wanted to make more friends in person, but I backed out. I was too scared even to step foot in the door. I feel like such a loser for not going through with it and meeting new people. I keep telling myself that I want to meet new people and have more connections, but I always get too scared to do so.

I feel so socially isolated and it's my own damn fault, I don't know why I keep doing this to myself, I don't understand why I push people away. I hope when I'm working full-time that maybe I'll have more connections to people and won't be so isolated like I am now. I truly am trying to be more social but it's so hard.

I will be more social and not a loser someday, just maybe not today I guess.

One thing about myself that I have a mixed relationship with is my face.

Before I had cut my family off, they'd always talk and go on about how I looked nothing like them and how I was the mirror image of my father. It was always funny watching my family rant and rave over how I was just like him and how upsetting it was that I was nothing like my grandfather or grandmother.

I had never known, and I still don't know what my father looks like, but at the same time, I see his face perfectly in mine. My jawline, my chin, my hair, my teeth, everything is just like how people tell me he looked, the only thing I never got was his blue eyes. My eyes are this wonderful green color that no one else in my bloodline has. Even if I had no actual idea on how he looked, I could still see his face in mine.

I truly am a mirror image of my father. In a way, I feel trapped inside his body, as if I took something that never belonged to me and I live in his skin. I even ended up getting the same personality disorder as him and it's not even genetic. But I can't help but love how I look, how I truly am my father and always will be.

I have never met my father, nor do I even know if he's alive still. I don't know how I ended up like him, but that's not a bad thing. I feel a strong sense of worth knowing I am nothing like my mother and I am my father's daughter and seeing his face when I look at myself.

This by no means is a vent post. I wanted to talk about how much I look like my father and how silly I think it is lol.