I need to rant and rave about today's events, both the good and the bad.

Let's talk about the bad first so the good seems better than what it is.

Y'all ever get so anxious to the point where you throw up? and it's just endless? That's what happened to me first thing in the morning, so much shit was happening at once I legit couldn't handle it and I ended up racing to the bathroom. I'm not going to get into why I ended up throwing up because it's personal and it's more than just one thing. But yeah that was a great start to the day.

Another thing, I really dislike how many people struggle to make boundaries, if I'm making you uncomfortable man up and just tell me, I know I rant a lot and even sometimes vent when I don't mean to. It's so easy to just say "Hey, TV, you're making me uncomfortable" but no one does that anymore? They listen then get upset and leave. I understand its my fault but if someone is making you uncomfortable you need to speak it. It annoys me how much I have this issue with people, they'll ask and poke about my life, and my childhood, and more than act upset when I become more open with them when I was being led to believe it was ok to talk about it. It bothers me how so many people have done or said the same thing to me, just leaving me a block of text about how I've made them uncomfortable for months when they never said anything or even allowed me to vent. I legit don't understand why it's so hard to set boundaries like a normal human being. I'm also being pulled back into foolish 8-year-old drama as if it still matters, it bothers me how the same people keep coming back to try and pull me back into drama and I'm so trusting of them thinking that they changed and idk why I keep doing this to myself.

Another thing, I HATE BEING A WOMEN. I hate living in this flesh cage and how I can't express myself truly. I'm not even trans, hell I love my body but I feel like I'd live a lot better if I were a man. Doing anything as my gender is so annoying. I'm either doing it wrong because I'm a woman or I'm making it weird because I'm a woman. If I had the chance, I would 100% become a man just to avoid all this crap. Hoping to God in my next life I'm a huge hairy middle-aged man lol.

Anyways, on to the good because it's a pretty banger.

I got some free food today and ate like a damn PIG. I didn't give any fucks who was watching me, free food is free food. It was cookies and hot cocoa, pretty healthy if I do say so myself! I had like 5 cups and maybe 10 cookies? I lost track. Some of my peers made fun of me but that's ok because we all had a good laugh about it and how hyper it was making me. It was nice to feel hyper and actually have a laugh with people.

I had one of the most important meetings of my life today, I was so scared about everything, how messy I thought I looked, how shaky I was, everything! Then I sat down. It turned out I did everything perfectly, my notes, my work, my explanations, everything I did right. When I had to make a statement about my viewpoints my teacher loved what I had to say. I scored a perfect 10/10 and I didn't even think I was doing all that good. I'm really proud of myself for this and how, even when I'm a mess, I'm able to pull myself together and mask everything to be so professional and bubbly.

One last good thing about today that I'm really proud about, I'm learning French so I can talk with my brother more. I knew basic stuff from when I was a child and I'm pretty shocked that I can still read basic French. I'm really happy that I'm able to learn French again and be able to become closer to my brother. He's the only family I have left so having better communication is really gonna help our bond.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna start blogging about my days more, I have little to no one to talk to about my day or my life and blogging makes me...happy? I guess? Just the idea that someone could be reading this and listening to me puts me at ease, I guess it a way it makes me feel less alone.

Anyways, anyways, love y'all, hoping to get a new drawing out soon or something like that. I might repost some art I've made for work haha. Have a great day, and please remember, you are loved.